I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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