I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
