His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
