idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
