i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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