Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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