I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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