Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
