Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im part way to drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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