I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
