I puked a lego.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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