just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
