I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
FUCK WHALES
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
