So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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