"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
