i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
