I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
