U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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