Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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