He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
