i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
