I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
