Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
