Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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