break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
