They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
