i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
