Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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