Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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