Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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