You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
