Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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