Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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