Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize