What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
