Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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