i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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