Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
