Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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