her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
