is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
