Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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