No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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