put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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