so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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