Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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