i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
