I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
