I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
