Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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