just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
