My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
