if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
