I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
