how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
