I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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