i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
