Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
