It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
