just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
