You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
