So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
