My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
